Advice to Filipina who wants to Marry a Foreigner- Part 1
Western dating culture v. Filipino culture stages of relationship
Western Stages of relationship
People in America and other western countries have a very different outlook on dating compared to people in the Philippines. In the West, there are stages to a relationship. You start out as strangers and get to know each other by dating. This first stage is dating. There is no commitment and you are not in a relationship at this stage. Every westerner is different, but generally people date several times until they move on to being friends.
After a couple has gotten to know each other they will then consider each other friends who are romantically dating. This stage of the relationship will typically go on for several months. During this time the man and the woman will continue to date other people. In America, people date multiple people at the same time and that is considered normal. It is a much different way of thinking than what someone in the Philippines is used to during the dating phase.
Eventually if both people want to progress the relationship they become exclusive. This is where they are boyfriend and girlfriend and agree not to date anyone else. The process to become exclusive generally takes months in western countries.
After months or years of being exclusive a couple will then gets engaged or get married. This is the normal progression that an American is used to in developing a relationship with the opposite sex. So if you go out a two or three dates with a western man, you need to understand that he probably does not think of you as his girlfriend and he almost certainly does not think that the two of you are in an exclusive relationship.
It is important that you give him time to get to know you if you want the relationship to progress. In western countries like the United States there is a difference between being in a relationship and just dating. Being in a relationship requires commitment that is agreed upon by both parties. It is not normal for someone from the west to simply meet someone and jump into a relationship.
It is also important to understand that in America and other western countires having sex does not mean that you are in a relationship. I know that may sound completely crazy to you, but that is from what I can tell a big cultural difference. In the west just because two people went on a date and had sex does not mean that they are a couple. In fact they might do that and then never see each other again. So it is important to understand that simply sharing intimacy with an American is not going to create a relationship in his mind.
For Filipina’s the stages of the relationship are different. My observations are that a Filipina thinks that after a few dates she is in a relationship with the foreigner. She will get jealous if he goes out with other women. It is common in the Philippines to only date or court one woman at a time. This is very different from the States where people date multiple people at the same time.
You have to understand that there is a cultural difference in attitudes towards dating, In the Philippines everything seems to be in a hurry where dating is concerned, but in the west people are used to taking it slower when it comes to dating. Make sure that you are giving the American or westerner time to get to know you.
In my experience people in the Philippines want to skip the dating stage and go straight to and exclusive relationship. You do not want to do this or you will scare your American away. He is not used to dating like this. You need to give him time to get to know you and determine if you are the one for him.
Try to understand that he will probably date other Filipinas in the early stages of dating. Do not get jealous about this. Understand that in these early stages that he does not owe you anything and that you do not owe him anything either. If he can talk to others you can talk with others as well. If he wants to have an exclusive relationship he will tell you.
Understand that you are not his girlfriend just because you went out on a few dates together.
2. Meeting the parents
Filipinas typically want someone that they are dating to meet their parents very quickly. At least this has been my observation for most women from the Philippines, especially younger Filipinas.
For an American man, meeting a girl’s parents is a very big deal. It implies that he is in a committed relationship and is generally an uncomfortable position for him to be in unless the relationship has become exclusive. In the early stages of dating he really does not care about your parents and is not interested in meeting them. He is interested in you and getting to know you.
Asking him to meet your parents too soon is way to serious for him and will possibly scare him away. Once you are in a relationship and he is really interested in a long term relationship he should be perfectly willing to meet your family. In fact he will probably want to meet your family at that point. But understand that this is a huge step for an American.
If you start telling him that he must meet your family after one or two dates, you will probably scare him away. There are exceptions to this, but it is not how things typically happen in the west.
3. Asking for money
Don’t ask an American for money, especially in the early stages of the relationship. When Americans are doing research on dating or marrying a women from the Philippines they find all kinds of information on the internet. Tons of articles are out there about Filipinas asking foreigners for money. So if a Filipina asks an American for money it will immediately raise a red flag.
I know that emergencies come up and you may see your new American boyfriend as a possible solution, but you should not ask if you want the relationship to progress. If you do ask he will likely be questioning your true motives and wonder if you see him as a walking ATM. If you are only dating and not yet in a relationship you definitely should not even hint for money. At this point he has no obligation to you and you probably will never hear from him again.
Now if he offers to give you a gift that is fine. If he offers to take you somewhere and pay such as dinner or a trip that is okay. Just don’t ask him for things or money. Also don’t try to lay any obligations on him during the dating phase, because in his mind he does not owe you anything and you will likely scare him off. The only exception to this would be if you really cannot afford transportation to meet him somewhere you could tell him. If he then offers to help you are fine.
It is also important in the dating stage not to talk about your hardships. American men have heard horror stories from the internet about being treated as a wallet by women from the Philippines. If you talk about this in the early stages of dating or when you only know them by way of the internet, you will be setting off alarm bells.
If you are in a relationship and have met in person, then you can let him know about your problems. But you should not ask for money. If he really cares about you he will want to help if he can. But always let him make the offer. If you are in a long distance relationship it will still probably cause him some concern as to your true intentions.
Finally, if you have never met in real life, you are not in a relationship. You just have a friend that you are communicating with and should never ask for money. You should probably not talk about your hardships. You cannot see this person as an option for money if you want to have a chance of being in a relationship one day. In the United States our friends are the last place we would ever go for money. This is because it creates problems in the friendship.