Advice to Filipina on Relationship with Foreigner Part 2
This is the second article giving advice to women in the Philippines who are interested in a relationship with a foreigner. To read Part 1 click here.
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Chaperone on your first date
Western men are not used to having a chaperone on a date. You should understand that this will be a big turn off to an American man.
If you must take a chaperone on your date, you should explain to your date why you are doing this and explain how this is expected in your culture. You must understand that he is not interested in meeting or getting to know your chaperone, he is there to get to know you.
Do not bring one of your parents as a chaperone! Preferably you should bring another female with you, like a sister, cousin, or friend.
If you explain your need to have a chaperone before the date, he should take the time to research the issue and be understanding.
2. Not all foreigners are honest about what they are looking for in a relationship
Not all foreigners are honest in their dealings with women. Some are not honest about what they are looking for in a Filipina. Some are truly looking for a long term relationship or marriage. Others are just looking for a one night stand.
There is no need to rush into a relationship; in fact this is probably detrimental with you forming a relationship with an American man. Don’t buy into the ideology that if you do not satisfy him someone else will. If he wants to enter into a long term relationship and really is interested in you he will wait for sex. It is true that he will not wait forever, but you should not feel pressured to be intimate really soon because you are afraid he will drop you and seek another. If he does drop you, then he is not thinking long term and you are better off without him.
You really should listen to what he says and observe his actions to determine what his true intentions are. If he is pressuring you early in the relationship and is telling you things that turn out not to be true then he is probably not honest about what his intentions truly are.
Lots of men come to the Philippines just to get easy sex and not to try and find a long term relationship with a good Filipina. You can check out websites like Roosh V forums and others where they coach each other how to get Filipina’s into bed without having to make a commitment. If this is how you want to be used, then that is fine. But if you want more than a one night stand, you should be aware of their methods so that you meet the right kind of man.
Don’t fall for the tricks they use such as getting an excuse to go back to their hotel or apartment to look at pictures or to charge their phone. Read the forums that I mentioned to see what they use as their flimsy excuses to get girls back to their rooms.
The bottom line is you should take your time and really get to know the man.
3. I love you too quickly
If an American man tells you he loves you by the third date, red flags should go up in your head. Western men simply do not do this unless they are trying to get sex. There is either something very wrong with him psychologically or he is lying.
The same goes for you. If you tell the man that you love them in under a week, you are going to scare him away. In the west men are used to waiting months for a woman to tell them that they love them. If you tell him after a week, he is going to think that something is wrong with you.
4. Family party
In the Philippines, it seems to be very common for a girl to invite the whole family to go out with their new American boyfriend and have him pay for everyone’s meal or activity. This may seem perfectly natural to you and your family. However, the American will feel that he is being used for his money and will resent the gathering.
This is a cultural difference that you should learn to accept. The westerner will have read about horror stories on the internet about taking the whole family out and him footing the bill. I guarantee that this will create resentment in the westerner.
A westerner is used to being invited out by the parents and the parents pay for their own way and in many cases they pay for the couples’s meal as well. If you ask him to go out and the family expects him to pay he will probably feel as he is being used and many times will not expect it when the bill is delivered to him. This is a sure fire way to scare off your new boyfriend in the beginning.
5. Internet v Real Life
If you have never met in real life and are just talking on the internet, then you really are not in a relationship. Talking on the internet is just communication and is not dating. You are not in a real relationship until you have actually met in person. In the American’s mind he merely sees you as a possible relationship until you have met in person.
On the internet he can be anyone that he wants to be. He can convince you that he is someone completely different than who he truly is in real life. Via Skype or some other video message system he can pretend who he is because he is only communicating with you for a few hours a day. It is very easy to act like someone else for a few hours a day and be a completely different person in real life.
This is why it is so important to meet in real life where you can spend time together and figure out who he really is in the flesh.
A good step is to search them on Google and see if there is any information about who they are on the internet. You could even go a step farther and have a background check run on him in the United States. I knew a Filipina who was talking to an American and even considered him her boyfriend. I ran a background search on him and found that he had a felony conviction for rape of a child! This was after she had been commutating with him for several years and wasting her time.
Bottom line is that if you have only met this person through the internet you have no idea who you are really dealing with and should take your time and get to know them in real life. Only once you have actually met, can you start a relationship.
P.S. If you have any experience with these issues, please share in the comments.