Advice to Filipina’s Wanting a Relationship with a Foreigner Part 3
Other cultural differences
The American will have culture shock when he is in the Philippines. Your society and his are very different. You should think of yourself as his guide to navigate your culture.
The unfortunate truth is you probably know more about his culture than he does about yours. Most Westerners do not try to educate themselves about other cultures that they are visiting. As an American this confuses me because I have always tried to learn about other cultures before I travel to another country. But sadly most Americans do not put in the research time.
He will likely not understand the differences that Filipina’s have in dating. If there is a disagreement or a misunderstanding, don’t get mad or Tampo, just explain the cultural difference to him. If he does not understand or is unwilling to make some adjustment, you are better off without him. Speaking of Tampo, Western men do not understand it and it will likely just make them mad. That is not how Americans are used to dealing with problems in a relationship.
Remember he is in a foreign country. The people and culture are alien to him. He is used to living in a completely different society that has different cultural norms. Misunderstandings will be often. Take these as an opportunity to educate him and not to get offended.
Jealousy is treated very different in the Philippines than it is in the West. There is a huge cultural difference in this regard.
In the Philippines it seems that jealousy is a way of showing that you really care about someone. In America it is seen as a sign of immaturity. It is not something that an American man wants to deal with.
If a man is coming to the Philippines on a long trip or to live, he may very well be there to meet several women. In Western culture this is not unusual. If he dates and meets several girls in the Philippines, don’t get upset with him that is just his culture. I understand that this may seem completely alien to you, but that is how dating is done in the West.
Your display of jealousy will not have the effect that you intend. In fact it will have the opposite effect. You don’t want others to take him away from you. But jealousy in the early stages of dating will simply scare the foreigner away. He will not be flattered by your jealousy at all. It will actually make him mad if he is a normal American man.
If you demand that he makes a commitment to you after only two dates, he will most likely leave. If he does date other women and he comes back to you, then he has found what he really wants.
I have seen girls on dating websites insist that you only talk to them after one time chatting online. A Western man would simply laugh at that demand. One common question that American men get in online dating with Filipina’s is “how many girls are you talking with?” Well the answer is always many. They have not even met you yet and they are thousands of miles away. They are going to talk to a lot of Filipina’s until they develop a good feeling and decide who they want to meet. If you push him to commit to only speaking with you, he is going to leave.
One time I looked up some Bisaya to speak with my then girlfriend online thinking it would make her happy. We I used the language she immediately asked me who taught me that and she was not happy. She jumped to the conclusion that I was speaking to other girls. That was not the reaction I was expecting and I was not at all pleased.
Trust me that this is just a huge difference in culture. Take your time and if it is meant to be it will happen.
In the same regard, you are free to talk to other men and to date until there is a mutual commitment.
3. Taking time
Lastly, take your time with the relationship and don’t just jump right in to a commitment. You are taking a big step that could affect the rest of your life. Be completely honest with him and make sure that he is completely honest with you.
Make sure and talk about the hard topics without worrying about losing him. Talk about future children and whether or not he wants them. Talk about money and if you plan on helping support your family. Just don’t talk about them on the first or second date. This is for when a relationship is really starting to take place. But you do want to make sure that your goals in life are compatible with his goals.
All of this will improve your chances of getting into a successful long term relationship with a foreigner. Understand that the American is also taking a huge chance on a relationship with you as a Filipina.
Good luck in your search!
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